Obnoxious-ometer

I'm embarrassed to admit that I've always been a big fan of analyzing people in term of two defining values: People who play golf and people who don't. People who live to work and people who work to live. People who love the Internet and people who don't really care. Recently, I've started thinking about dependency and independency.

Most people have some of both and behave differently under different circumstances. We may be extraordinarily self- sufficient at work, for example. Assertive, take charge, even control-freakish. Then at home, with our partners, we may be far more needy, wanting someone else to take care of us so we can feel coddled or even babied.

What fascinates me is how we react to this imbalance in others. Are you particularly allergic to needy people? People who need more of the spotlight than others, people who make a big mess out of their lives and then need others to clean up the mess?

At the risk of sounding like a pop psychologist,I think one's own reaction to neediness in others is always tied to one's own neediness. Maybe the more we wish we could be out about our inner big fat baby, the more we resent others who so unreticently exercise their right to be one.

Sometimes I think the world would be a better place if everyone wore little visible devices on their sleeves that measured insecurity, neediness, or even shyness. If you saw someone acting rudely, but you noticed he had a high shyness index, you'd be more likely to cut him some slack. And perhaps when you saw the insecurity meter flashing on that know-it-all egomaniac, you'd think to yourself "golly, this guy's just a quivering puppy who just needs a hug."

Or not.